Gen-X wannabe living in the past like it's the present and future. Be good.
twitter: @VarsityOptimism

Ladies and gentlecats, my name is Paw Heyman and my client, BARK LESNAR, defeated the Puppytaker’s undefeated streak at  CUDDLEMANIA.
apostlemage:

pyramidslayer:

look what you can buy

There is a Pope in the Cars universe. This means that there is Catholic Christianity, which means there was a Jesus car who was crucified. Jesus Chrysler was crucified by car Romans under Pontiac Pilot who washed his wheels. A car was nailed to a cross and ascended to Heaven.

apostlemage:

pyramidslayer:

look what you can buy

There is a Pope in the Cars universe. This means that there is Catholic Christianity, which means there was a Jesus car who was crucified. Jesus Chrysler was crucified by car Romans under Pontiac Pilot who washed his wheels. A car was nailed to a cross and ascended to Heaven.

(via tinkersghost)

muscle-temple:

STARDUST!!!

muscle-temple:

STARDUST!!!

muscle-temple:

BOLIEVE!!!!!!

muscle-temple:

BOLIEVE!!!!!!

Hey NBA! We’re through.

To those of you taking the time to read this, you are well aware of my very public and documented love affair with the NBA. It’s long, it’s varied, it has, at times, been borderline unhealthy. You may also be aware that over the last 10 months or so, me and the NBA have been in an unofficial trial separation. There are a multitude of reasons why I have chosen to estrange myself from the league I loved from literally the second I saw it as a saucer-eyed 6 year-old walking into the old Inglewood Forum to see Eddie Jones and Cedric Ceballos and Nick Van Exel and Vlade Divac.

I lived it. I breathed it. I mailordered (more than once) the NBA Official Register and made a Zine called “Andy Rafner’s Week in Sportz”. (Z added for extra-90s effect). It sucks that I’m about to say what I’m about to say: the NBA and I’s breakup is official.

Things you already know: Donald Sterling is a racist. Always has been, always will be. The shit that has come to light via a 20 year old idiot recording a crazy old coot isn’t the first indictment of Sterling and his not-so secret feelings about Black, Latino and Asians. Do a quick Google search to see what I’m getting at. Writing my opinions about what Donald Sterling has said and done at this point is redundant compared to what more accomplished and respected writers and thinkers can say or write. I’ll leave the present outrage directed at this shithead to them.

Things you may not know: The main reason the NBA and I are officially d-o-n-e after these playoffs is because of the rampant and institutional racism that stinks directly from the head of the NBA. The NBA, through former commissioner David Stern has enabled Donald Sterling for the better part of three decades. The league had many an indication that Sterling was a racist piece of shit. They did nothing. Why? Because in his tenure owning the Los Angeles Clippers, Donald Sterling MADE. MONEY. Fucker made money with Loy Vaught and Pooh Richardson. Fucker made money playing at the LA Sports Arena, and if you ever went to a Clipper game in the 90s, the Sports Arena was literally one notch above a toilet. From the outside, Donald Sterling was a scourge. A stain on the league and a total pariah. Internally, Donald Sterling was the NBA’s model owner. His teams were trash, he never paid players high salaries and he pocketed gobs of money. If the NBA had it their way, every owner would operate his team like Donald Sterling did until 2006. They didn’t care that the man was a piece of trash. Business was business. Racism was something the league best not focus on, that is, of course, until David Stern waged his War on Hip Hop, resulting in a leaguewide dresscode.

In baseball, when the benches clear and punches are thrown, suspensions handed down amount to a slap on the wrist. In hockey, fisticuffs warrant five minutes in the box. In the NBA, if you throw down, and I mean really throw down, you’re on the shelf for 30 games. Hell, maybe the whole season. Why? Well, it might have something to do with the NBA’s fear over public perception of black players acting “thuggish”.

The NBA is institutionally racist, and I haven’t even scratched the surface of what that truly mean. The only real important takeaway here is that the NBA is a consortium of 30 franchise owners (all of them men, only two of color) whose sole interest is the aggressive expansion of revenue at the expense of ANYTHING that stands in it’s way, be it the humanity of young black men or otherwise.

Whatever happens tomorrow when the NBA’s new commissioner Adam Silver hands down whatever punishment the individual team owners see fit (remember, Silver works for them, not for basketball), it won’t be enough. They make Sterling sell the team? Well, Sterling bought the Clippers for $17 million and would likely net close to a BILLION dollars in profit from a sale. “Suspend” Sterling and they essentially have slapped him on the wrist, wagged their fingers and let him go on his way with nary a price to pay.

The onus at this point is on the Clippers’ players to divorce themselves from the brand. Wear generic uniforms that read simply “LOS ANGELES BASKETBALL” on the front, play and fucking WIN the NBA Championship as a group of really really good athletes representing a city, not a global corporation headed by racist capitalist pigs. Who is going to stop them at this point?

As for me, I’m going to root for the Los Angeles basketball team from a distance, and then, when these playoffs are over, never look back. NBA, we’re through. Fuck off and get bent.

(Source: thedeepmind, via mmmsimpsons)

blameaspartame:

my memes

fuckyeah1990s:

1990s Normcore

did-you-kno:

Source

My dad was the First Assistant Director on this movie. I visited set many times. LOL.

did-you-kno:

Source

My dad was the First Assistant Director on this movie. I visited set many times. LOL.

True Detective: Gen X Edition
dustinmartian:

Harmontown Charity Garage Sale!
Dan Harmon are the rest of the Harmontown gang are selling their stuff in a giant garage sale to benefit 826LA!! There will be music. There will be baked goods. There will be Dan Harmon, LIVE in person to sign blenders, t-shirts, furniture, art work and any other “treasures” you may discover.  All proceeds go to 826LA! Simultaneous on-line auction TBA!
826LA is a non-profit organization dedicated to supporting students ages 6 to 18 with their creative and expository writing skills, and to helping teachers inspire their students to write. 826LA’s services are structured around our understanding that great leaps in learning can happen with one-on-one attention, and that strong writing skills are fundamental to future success. With this in mind, the organization provides a range of writing programs to over 8,000 students across Los Angeles. All programs are challenging and enjoyable, and ultimately strengthen each student’s power to express ideas effectively, creatively, confidently, and in his or her individual voice. For more information, visit www.826LA.org.
*In addition, I will be bringing some weird random comedy podcast memorabilia I have from working at Earwolf, Feral Audio, and on the Mr. Show Hollywood Said No audiobook over the years.

dustinmartian:

Harmontown Charity Garage Sale!

Dan Harmon are the rest of the Harmontown gang are selling their stuff in a giant garage sale to benefit 826LA!! There will be music. There will be baked goods. There will be Dan Harmon, LIVE in person to sign blenders, t-shirts, furniture, art work and any other “treasures” you may discover.
All proceeds go to 826LA! Simultaneous on-line auction TBA!

826LA is a non-profit organization dedicated to supporting students ages 6 to 18 with their creative and expository writing skills, and to helping teachers inspire their students to write. 826LA’s services are structured around our understanding that great leaps in learning can
happen with one-on-one attention, and that strong writing skills are fundamental to future success. With this in mind, the organization provides a range of writing programs to over 8,000 students across Los Angeles. All programs are challenging and enjoyable, and ultimately strengthen each student’s power to express ideas effectively, creatively, confidently, and in his or her individual voice. For more information, visit www.826LA.org.

*In addition, I will be bringing some weird random comedy podcast memorabilia I have from working at Earwolf, Feral Audio, and on the Mr. Show Hollywood Said No audiobook over the years.

(via havingchanged)

gameraboy:

Jimmy Carter jogging in Disneyland

gameraboy:

Jimmy Carter jogging in Disneyland

(via vintagedisneyparks)

homebaseball:

"What is finished… is the idea that this great country is dedicated to the freedom and flourishing of every individual in it. It’s the individual that’s finished. It’s the single, solitary human being that’s finished. It’s every single one of you out there that’s finished, because this is no longer a nation of independent individuals. It’s a nation of some 200-odd million transistorized, deodorized, whiter-that-white, steel-belted bodies, totally unnecessary as human beings, and as replaceable as piston rods… Well, the time has come to say, is dehumanization such a bad word. Because good or bad, that’s what is so. The whole world is becoming humanoid - creatures that look human but aren’t. The whole world not just us. We’re just the most advanced country, so we’re getting there first. The whole world’s people are becoming mass-produced, programmed, numbered, insensate things…"—Paddy Chayevsky, Network, 1975.
I watched Network the other day with my dog in an effort to wade through a rare Southern California rainstorm. I had seen it once in high school and had always meant to revisit it, but somehow hadn’t found my way to it until just this past week. Not to overstate, but it was like finding a cinematic soul mate. It hit dead-on in so many areas of my interest: the 1970s, subversiveness, pointed satire and anarchic spirit. It fucking ruled. But this isn’t a screed on how awesome Network is. Everyone knows that. There are whole books dedicated to it. This is about another blow to the humanity of baseball. MLB Advanced Media announced yesterday at the MIT Sloan Sports Analytics conference that they have developed a revolutionary tracking system designed to completely explode defensive analytics. If you’re a futurist or SABRmetrician it is cum volcano-XXXX-illegal in 40 states-ball draining porn. For people who love baseball, it’s what Robert Oppenheimer and Bhagavad Gita called “the destroyer of worlds”.


Humanity has a funny way of designing it’s own destruction. I could get specific, but it would ultimately undercut my point, seeing as I’m talking about baseball, but the fact remains. This isn’t the start of something, it’s the end of everything. In the clip demonstrating the power of the new tracking system—which doesn’t yet have a name—Braves center fielder Jason Heyward robs the Mets’ Justin Turner of a potentially game winning hit. He slides to make the catch and thus ends the game, rising to his feet with appropriate excitement, the announcer aptly commenting that the catch was a “big league play”. Why? BECAUSE JASON HEYWARD IS A BIG LEAGUER AND BIG LEAGUERS ARE GOOD AT BASEBALL. What more did we learn from knowing his 97% route efficiency and 18mph foot speed aside from what we knew before? That Jason Heyward is fast and smart. We got that. Understood. Anyone with eyes could see that it was a great catch. It’s fancy and shiny and I’m sure FOX and ESPN will find some cool sound effects and whooshes and whips to make it all pretty-like, but what this system can’t account for is the rare, but existent, chance that Heyward makes the dive and the ball done pops out and the Mets win. Why? Not because his route was inefficient or somehow less than optimal, but because chaos and randomness finds a way. It’s the very nature of the universe and humanity itself. We are the sum total of all the inefficiencies and cruel randomness contained in the cosmos. 


Why do we keep trying to perfect the imperfect? Symmetry is overrated. What this truly is, is more useless metrics for people to wax rhapsodic about after the fact. It’s simply a way to engage non-athletes and imbue them with their own “special skill” to somehow “better understand” baseball. Well, guess what? Baseball don’t want to be solved. That’s why weird shit never stops happening and never will, no matter how many metrics and tracking cameras we try and throw at it. Because the unfortunate and terrifying endgame to “figuring it out” is that we know what will happen before it does, and at that point, why even play? Why not just simulate and crown a statistical champion? Because it’s not fucking fun. Because it’s not baseball and at their core, all these Brian Kennys and Bill Jameses know it. They’re just trying to make sense of inherent nonsense.  Once Major League Baseball installs the trackers in every ballpark and figures out how to handle disseminating the whopping 7 TERABYTES of data produced each game (that’s 17 petabytes of data per season in case you were wondering.), you can bet your ass that they’ll slap a price tag for access as an add-on to your existing MLB.tv subscription.  You can bet that this will be the sort of thing that the people who like this sort of thing will like. No, they’ll love it. There will be websites dedicated to it and we will continue to further distill baseball into a neat package of tendencies and probabilities until it bears only a passing resemblance to the thing we once knew.  Unless we fight back and treat our ballplayers as more than replaceable piston rods. They’re human beings, dammit! Their lives have value! For how pervasive these analytic overlords have become, isn’t it time to tip the scales back in favor of baseball? Isn’t it time to watch pitchers pitch, hitters hit and fielders field, if for no other reason that they are the ones who have dedicated their lives to achieving the type of greatness that advanced stats live to minimize and eviscerate?I’ll tell you how this ends: the metricians cannibalize themselves under an insurmountable pile of data and sterility and humanity wins, but none of that can happen unless you get MAD and resolve to take back the game from the death grip of math and unfun. The only thing at stake is baseball itself.

homebaseball:

"What is finished… is the idea that this great country is dedicated to the freedom and flourishing of every individual in it. It’s the individual that’s finished. It’s the single, solitary human being that’s finished. It’s every single one of you out there that’s finished, because this is no longer a nation of independent individuals. It’s a nation of some 200-odd million transistorized, deodorized, whiter-that-white, steel-belted bodies, totally unnecessary as human beings, and as replaceable as piston rods… Well, the time has come to say, is dehumanization such a bad word. Because good or bad, that’s what is so. The whole world is becoming humanoid - creatures that look human but aren’t. The whole world not just us. We’re just the most advanced country, so we’re getting there first. The whole world’s people are becoming mass-produced, programmed, numbered, insensate things…"—Paddy Chayevsky, Network, 1975.

I watched Network the other day with my dog in an effort to wade through a rare Southern California rainstorm. I had seen it once in high school and had always meant to revisit it, but somehow hadn’t found my way to it until just this past week. Not to overstate, but it was like finding a cinematic soul mate. It hit dead-on in so many areas of my interest: the 1970s, subversiveness, pointed satire and anarchic spirit. It fucking ruled. But this isn’t a screed on how awesome Network is. Everyone knows that. There are whole books dedicated to it.

This is about another blow to the humanity of baseball. MLB Advanced Media announced yesterday at the MIT Sloan Sports Analytics conference that they have developed a revolutionary tracking system designed to completely explode defensive analytics. If you’re a futurist or SABRmetrician it is cum volcano-XXXX-illegal in 40 states-ball draining porn. For people who love baseball, it’s what Robert Oppenheimer and Bhagavad Gita called “the destroyer of worlds”.

Humanity has a funny way of designing it’s own destruction. I could get specific, but it would ultimately undercut my point, seeing as I’m talking about baseball, but the fact remains. This isn’t the start of something, it’s the end of everything.

 In the clip demonstrating the power of the new tracking system—which doesn’t yet have a name—Braves center fielder Jason Heyward robs the Mets’ Justin Turner of a potentially game winning hit. He slides to make the catch and thus ends the game, rising to his feet with appropriate excitement, the announcer aptly commenting that the catch was a “big league play”. Why? BECAUSE JASON HEYWARD IS A BIG LEAGUER AND BIG LEAGUERS ARE GOOD AT BASEBALL. What more did we learn from knowing his 97% route efficiency and 18mph foot speed aside from what we knew before? That Jason Heyward is fast and smart. We got that. Understood. Anyone with eyes could see that it was a great catch. It’s fancy and shiny and I’m sure FOX and ESPN will find some cool sound effects and whooshes and whips to make it all pretty-like, but what this system can’t account for is the rare, but existent, chance that Heyward makes the dive and the ball done pops out and the Mets win. Why? Not because his route was inefficient or somehow less than optimal, but because chaos and randomness finds a way. It’s the very nature of the universe and humanity itself. We are the sum total of all the inefficiencies and cruel randomness contained in the cosmos. 

Why do we keep trying to perfect the imperfect? Symmetry is overrated. What this truly is, is more useless metrics for people to wax rhapsodic about after the fact. It’s simply a way to engage non-athletes and imbue them with their own “special skill” to somehow “better understand” baseball. Well, guess what? Baseball don’t want to be solved. That’s why weird shit never stops happening and never will, no matter how many metrics and tracking cameras we try and throw at it. Because the unfortunate and terrifying endgame to “figuring it out” is that we know what will happen before it does, and at that point, why even play? Why not just simulate and crown a statistical champion? Because it’s not fucking fun. Because it’s not baseball and at their core, all these Brian Kennys and Bill Jameses know it. They’re just trying to make sense of inherent nonsense. 

Once Major League Baseball installs the trackers in every ballpark and figures out how to handle disseminating the whopping 7 TERABYTES of data produced each game (that’s 17 petabytes of data per season in case you were wondering.), you can bet your ass that they’ll slap a price tag for access as an add-on to your existing MLB.tv subscription. 

You can bet that this will be the sort of thing that the people who like this sort of thing will like. No, they’ll love it. There will be websites dedicated to it and we will continue to further distill baseball into a neat package of tendencies and probabilities until it bears only a passing resemblance to the thing we once knew. 

Unless we fight back and treat our ballplayers as more than replaceable piston rods. They’re human beings, dammit! Their lives have value! For how pervasive these analytic overlords have become, isn’t it time to tip the scales back in favor of baseball? Isn’t it time to watch pitchers pitch, hitters hit and fielders field, if for no other reason that they are the ones who have dedicated their lives to achieving the type of greatness that advanced stats live to minimize and eviscerate?

I’ll tell you how this ends: the metricians cannibalize themselves under an insurmountable pile of data and sterility and humanity wins, but none of that can happen unless you get MAD and resolve to take back the game from the death grip of math and unfun. The only thing at stake is baseball itself.
Faraway Dunaway